Five of Swords ~ Travels with the Inner Critic

The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans ~ The Crystal Oracle by Toni Salerno

The month is coming to a close and the Five of Swords, my card of the month, has made itself quite comfortable in my inner landscape. Thanks to this version above I've taken to calling it the Five of Worms lol. When it appears in a reading for me it usually means the inner critic, the inner bully, is on the premises. The rose quartz mala and red jasper oracle card are incidental, necessary embellishments, distractions even to the starkness of this depiction of segmented worms. Though both of these stones with their qualities of loving kindness and strengthening and stamina, are very useful when working with the inner judge.

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

In WU depiction of the Five of Swords we see a worm's body, surrounded by sharp-edged swords, that has been severed by the largest blade. Those unspoken cutting remarks we make to ourselves, the conditioned responses, this is how wholeness disintegrates, how the Self becomes fractured. When trust has been betrayed the body follows suit in its own intelligent way. And until that trust has been restored wholeness is a concept. It has to begin at a cellular level.

In the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight we see a visual representation of this kind of somatic disintegration. Heads have been removed, bodies are missing parts, the main figure has got several different voices running her rampant, her lower body is at odds with her upper body. This is the inner critic at her finest, creating somatic chaos in a landscape that depicts the wasteland that this voice lives in. Bleak, depleted of life, sere and inhabitable only by those who lack sensitivity. 

Tarot of the Hidden Realm by Julia Jeffrey

Perhaps one of the most stark representations of this inner bullying quality of the Five of Swords is from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. While the guidebook places this figure on the defensive I tend to see her as the face of my own inner bitch. She's got a kind of wild, seductive beauty, her crow familiars whirl around her and the haziness of her realm all feel familiar to me. Once that voice gets going it's hard to stop.

However this is the Swords suit, the suit of Air of the mental realm and it's helpful to remember that all of this is an internal process. 

It's interesting to note her stance, rigid, fight-or-flight response. No equilibrium can come from that, nor can any somatic messages get through. Everything is constricted in almost Eight of Swords like way.

Vision Quest Tarot ~ Crystal Visions Tarot ~ Herbal Tarot

I've included the three cards to the left in my month-long study as they've given me some valuable information and tools. 

The Vision Quest Tarot by Gayan Sylvie Winter and Jo Dosé gives this card the title, Fear. And it's a good reminder to note that beneath all that posturing fear is the foundation. 

When I ask myself the questions, Fear of what? There are several responses that come to mind but all of them come down to love, really, or a lack thereof. 

The middle card from the Crystal Visions Tarot by Jennifer Galasso has a Three of Swords-like feel to it with two of the Swords having been stabbed into the back of the figure with the bully walking away. That this figure is all dressed in white speaks to me of her trusting, innocent nature, that inner child within us who wouldn't suspect anyone of wanting to harm us, to bring us down. A little bird perches on one of the Swords in a poignant attempt at comfort. Thankfully she has looked round and is able to acknowledge it. Someone in her court. Every little bit of positivity counts here.  Finally the Herbal Tarot by Candace Cantin and Michael Tieris offers an herbal ally for this card in the form of Mistletoe. It is a plant of protection and we know it best as something for lovers to kiss under. But it was sacred to the Druids, used in ceremony and vision and medically is a heart tonic herb. This last gives me a clue as to what qualities to bring to the table where the inner critic sits.

Tarot of Transformation ~ J. L. Cori and Willow Arlenea

Looking at the depiction of the WU I sensed this month's focus might take shape around being aware of the somatic effects the inner critic has. More body work, more art, more immersion in the earth realm.  There has been some of this this month, more than usual as a result of this card, I think. The worm is guardian of the Earth, aerating the soil, turning it, fertilizing it as well as being nourished by it. Because they are segmented they're capable of regeneration if their body has been cut in two. All of this feels wonderfully restorative and hopeful. 

There are also a whole host of phrases that come to mind here...'getting my hands dirty', 'doing the dirty work' 'finding my ground' They bring a wonderfully embodied element to this card of the Air. For the place where the prima materia awaits the light of our own awareness. Holding the Vision, the title of the card at right, is key.

Five of Wands ~ Friction Dances

World Spirit Tarot ~ Lauren Onça O'Leary

It all hinges on that annoying Five of Wands which continues to make appearances in my daily draws. So done with seeing this energy show up but apparently not done enough says Spirit. What's interesting here though is the theme of two--two Wands, two combatants, and the two vessels Temperance pours from. In my experience Two speaks to thresholds. The Two of Wands and Temperance mirror that quality and each other beautifully. But that pesky Five stands between them, between the self that is a channel ready to manifest energy and that healing energy going out actively, intentionally into the world.

Sigh. Not only has this card has appeared so often lately but today's draw speaker to deeper themes I'm working with. Fives are all about stagnant energy, energy built up by resistance and fear such that its outlet has been externalized either as friction that radiates outwards as in the Swords and Wands or internalized as victim in the Cups and Pents. Either way the gathering nexus of energy is the ego's contraction, its need to defend/protect itself.

The Dance of Healing

Thankfully Temperance has chosen to step in here to remind me of a deeper/wider perspective. That this is a Major speaks to archetypal energies that are at play within, often times energies that we have less influence over than we might in the Minors.

The two Wands here become two combatants as a result of shadow energy getting hold of the raw potential in that initial card. It's not given any room to manifest, blocking the flow, literally. Step out of the way and allow it, which is to say, let yourself move through the world of earth and water, body and heart, with ease. But perhaps more importantly let that world move through you, through the two vessels of your wisdom and compassion, your intention and manifestation. Sometimes the very movement itself is the healing agent.

My draw from the Devas of Creation deck by Cilla Conway today was the Deva of Spring and its body language mirrors Temperance so beautifully that I couldn't help but notice it. Clearly they are different rays from the same etheric tribe. Spring brings with it new eyes, a vision that is suddenly alive to color, to detail--the pink flame of cherry blossom, the tiny bud. This kind of presence with the wonder of the burgeoning moment is medicine that restores, that heals. And all over the city here the cherry blossoms are alive to remind me of that, sending out their gorgeous song of hope and heart. Pink, pink, pink everywhere...

When Truth becomes Trope

World Spirit Tarot ~ Lauren Onça O'Leary

"What you seek is seeking you."

This oft-quoted line of Rumi's filtered through my awareness as I contemplated this morning's draw. So often when truth becomes trope the tendency is to gradually stop hearing it. And that is the case with this line. I came upon Rumi's poetry 25 years ago and immersed myself in its dazzle and passion. Now Mevlana is everywhere. It's wonderful that his message of universality, of Love's effacing power, and the dance with the Beloved is so prevalent. And it also means that for me the dazzle has dimmed considerably.

Vagabond Heart

But writing about something often breathes new life into it so....What exactly, or if not exactly then thematically am I seeking? Honestly at this point in my life the question feels...so innocent. But the cards offer me a way in. Clearly there is the desire to refind the lineage of simple joy, an embodiment of the teachings of wonder, fresh-eyes, warmth. The most compelling figure in this trio of cards is the beautiful white horse that the Seeker of Cups rides. It echoes the archetypal energies of the unicorn in the Sun card.

I love the way the horse is so attuned to its rider as to be focused on the Cup the Seeker is looking at with equal intensity. The curve of its neck, its solidly planted legs, partially in and partially out of the stream, as if to say I can help you navigate earth and water, the body and the heart. And the openness of the Seeker's throat chakra, so wide, so spacious, so receptive. And the rolling hills, flowing water and sky-swirled heavens mirroring the wild ride of the heart. They are utterly immersed here, both rider and horse.

It's true that the more I go along in life the more my own horse feels so important, that which carries me...body, intention, momentum. All of these things feel integral to the journey, in fact they are the journey at this point, as well as arrival. More and more it feels like I am it.

Shine!

The Sun, here, is so raw, so full, so viscerally alive with life and light. Again it's the creature who draws my eye, the beautifully strong unicorn whose head is bowed in service to the light, to its rider, to the moment. The sunflowers open as they pass, and the sun itself one giant sunflower in bloom. 

It's a lovely thought to imagine this is seeking me. And it gives a slightly different spin on things to phrase it this way, less that I'm trying to move away from shadow/negativity/despair and more that light is searching me out. Like two lovers moving closer and closer to each other to finally collide into each others' arms. 

And finally we have The Hierophant, holder of tradition, lineage, interpreter of the Oracle, confidante of the High Priestess. While she is the Mystery, he is the Teachings. He fosters the spiritual growth of his community much the way The Emperor looks to the secular lives of his subjects. 

The Hierophant is much maligned, IMO, and I've always had and continue to have a good relationship with him. I like that he is seeking me out, through of the energies of Brilliance, Joy and the Vagabond Heart. These are all wonderful qualities to see one along the path. Here he is portrayed as an Aztec priest. His finger pointing to the sky, and flaming torch bring to mind Moses, that great desert dervish. His supplicants kneel, not so much to him, as to the earth he stands on, the ground of being that we all share. An opportunity to place one's forehead on the Mother is a sacred one. The dervishes do this before any whirling they do as reminder of the ground of being, that which supports us, that which we all share. The Earth is humility Herself and when I place my own forehead on the ground I do so with the sense of receiving teachings from a great Wisdom-Holder. She is seeking me, she is seeking me...

Interpreter of the Oracle

The Heart Is Her Hermitage

World Spirit Tarot ~ Lauren Onça O'Leary

I've been really enjoying the revised World Spirit Tarot lately. Something so muscular and earthy about the imagery. This morning's draw focused on a theme for today and how to work with it. I pulled the Ace of Cups and The Hermit respectively.

First off, a female Hermit 💙Being a double Hermit myself and now two days into my 'Hermit Year' I was thrilled to see this card appear. That my first Hermit card is depicted as a woman feels so...auspicious, so affirming. I don't usually ascribe positions to my daily draws rather I tend to read the overall energy. But this morning's question of the day's theme, formulated itself. Seeing the Ace of Cups had me doing a metaphorical happy dance. And this one is so resonant.

~ Opening ~

A mythic yoni serves as gateway to this energy, energy that is receptivity and offering both. If the Soul were to have a shape I think it would be this cup, this bowl-like form. The Soul itself as the emptiness that shapes the cup as well as the potential that fills it. Form and emptiness continually in dialogue, in partnership with each other. 

The LWB gives the card the title, Opening, and this is a lovely way to work with this energy. Being the opening, opening to, opening for...so many ways to experience opening. How often am I truly open, how often do I open into, how often do create an opening for another? These are good questions for my hermetic self to reflect on.

And implicit in opening is softening, is vulnerability which is perhaps why it so often feels easier to give than to receive, easier to observe than open into. 

The way to work with the magnitude of this universal, creating, softening energy, say the cards, is through The Hermit. If the Ace of Cups is the doorway to the inner world she has internalized this knowledge, lives the truth that Love is what holds atoms together, is what generates form and the necessary outbreath of its absence. As I continue my chakra work I'm drawn to her lantern, its yellow glow shining directly from her solar plexus chakra whose color is also yellow. As if to say, while she is solitary and removed from the hustle of life she has full ownership and awareness of her personal power as it is used in service to something larger than herself.

Her hermitage is the Heart.

I love her expression, a blend of crone and maiden. She wears red shoes that have seen many travels. Their color makes me think of the amount of will required to stay true to a path so...at odds with the norm. Each day is virgin, opportunity to remember the path, to live the vows of wisdom and compassion, the laws of interdependence, to be in the world but not of it. Her hermitage is the Heart, her wanderings take her through her inner landscape, its peaks and valleys, its caves and meadows. 

And do you see the little rabbit sitting at her feet? As a Rabbit myself I can't help but feel a resonance here. I associate them with the goddess, with fertility, travel, community and refined energy. 

I love the inclusion of this energy, as if to say far from being a dry, lonely path the path of the Hermit is rich with the creativity of Beloved, it is generative and active and subtle and above all it is a path of love, of joy.

Meeting Resistance with Kindness

Aquarian Tarot ~ The Moon Deck

This morning I felt drawn to work with the Aquarian Tarot But after pulling these two guys and finding no juice with them I decided to look at the top and bottom card of the deck. Sigh. More of the same masculine energy in the Page of Rods and Knight of Ps. My resistance to their presence on my altar was palpable. Nothing poetic to work with here, no roadways into these two closed books, is how it felt. Drew the rest of my cards all the while aware of skirting the edges of these two intractables.

Clearly they had work for me 😆 So in a last ditch effort I reached for The Moon Deck and asked for an affirmation to use with my reaction to these cards. I laughed out loud when I saw the response, 'Resistance'. But honestly reading the affirmation, 'I meet resistance with kindness', turned it all around for me. I didn't realize my absence of kindness until being given this permission. Oh, kindness, you mean I have a choice, some volition here around how I treat my knee-jerk reactions?

The ritual suggested for this card is the yoga pose seen here, Tarasana aka Star Pose. I hopped on the mat immediately and spent some time in this pose, occasionally offering up the affirmation. It was a wonderful release and loosening of the tightness and emotion held in my body, to allow myself to relax my grip on my resistance a bit. It's fascinating how the body tells the real story. 

After a bit of time and space elapsed I was able to go back to the two cards with curiosity and interest. Looking at their own body language gave me a clue into my own reaction. The Page has turned his back entirely on the King. This King is a master of creative imagination. He inspires spiritually and artistically and has the talent of being able to easily influence others around him simply with his charm and positivity. I know someone like this and he's very persuasive, managing to get what he wants and make everyone feel good in the process. But the shadow side of this card has to do with arrogance, self-centeredness and a hot temper. 

Looking at the Page, who is clearly just starting out on his journey to mastery, I can see why he'd be wary of this King.  He is still in the process of developing his creative power. He's a serious student, dedicated and not interested in distractions as we see him steadily gazing at the object of his meditations. Clearly the King is a wild card to his security-oriented, perhaps overly-focused self. Where do I fit in here? I feel both of these energies within me, and both of the frustrations that might arise from each of them towards the other. They have something to learn from each other. Which leaves me with the question, what does my own imaginative and visionary self have to learn from this sober, serious plodder? Fire and Earth, how might they best work together? 

Periwinkle : The Earth's Polaris

Periwinkle ~ Plant Ally Cards ~ Nature's Pharmacy Deck

Today's plant ally is Periwinkle. The very sound of this plant, the way the syllables feel when I say them silently or aloud make something in me wake up and wonder.

My attunement to the plant realm is an area of slow growth. It doesn't come naturally to me. As a writer and poet I'm more comfortable in the realms of the intangible and formless, of words and their offspring. But I recognize this as an imbalance and the need for descent so I'm apprenticing myself to the earth and its details as best as I am able. That means the body, it means loam and trees, plants and flowers. It means patience, humility and the discipline and limit of form.

When I can find a natural way in to any part of the green kingdom I run with it. If it's the sound a plant's name makes within I don't quibble with the logic of magic. I like what Harold Roth has to say about this plant: This Water and Venus plant is considered protective, especially amongst the Celts, and is often referred to as the Violet of the Sorcerers. It has the ability to reinspire love and is usually associated with the past, whether that be past love or memories. In Eastern European systems, it stands for eternal love and was planted on graves. Agrippa associated this magick herb with the the north star, Polaris, which is the fixed star known as the tail of the Lesser Bear (Little Dipper). You can see the steadfastness sought through love magick found in the steady guiding light of this star, so you can consider that periwinkle has the characteristic of being steadfast and trusty. 

I like this idea of an association with the heaven realm, a dialogue between earth and sky. The Plant Ally cards ascribe the quality of Clarity to this plant. One of the French words for light is 'claire' and with all the little stars on the plant the presence of Polaris, of guiding light is evident. The 'winkle' part of the plant's name is so close to the word for what stars do, twinkle. And perhaps that's what has drawn me in to this plant, its shimmering quality, its playful quality, its quixotic movement.

Periwinkle ~ Nature's Pharmacy Deck 

The Nature's Pharmacy deck is not an oracle deck but rather a compilation of beautiful paintings from the New York Botanical Garden's collection. It ascribes no qualities to the plants but instead provides valuable information in the form of the plant's history, some of its uses, its latin name, plant family and origin. The information is done in elegant script as you can see above. The botanical name for this plant, Vinca major comes from the Latin vincire which means to bind. Approaching a plant etymologically is one of the ways I find my way into its deeper message. To bind is a word that brings to mind both positive and negative associations. It's a tactile word. I think of rope, I think of hand fasting, I think of climbing towards something using a rope, hand over blistered hand. It's a visceral word. 

I'm drawn in to the purple, color of the third eye chakra, of royalty and extravagance, of amethyst and the heaven realms. Perhaps its the mix of heaven and earth present in this plant that speak to me. It's where my current focus is, trying to bring those two together in a more balanced partnership, perhaps even the sense of binding them into a seamlessness of body and spirit. For today though it's enough to be aware of its color, the shape of its leaves, its graceful root system, seen above. All these are the tangible realities of this plant. And as it guides me through my day I'm curious to see if its starry-petaled self slips into my dream realm also.

'Liberation Through Hearing'

Today's draws, both Oracle and Tarot seem to inform each other seamlessly. I drew from the Devas of Creation deck, the Chakra Insight Oracle and the Wild Animal Spirit oracle as well as a card from the Crystal Reading cards.

"Connection" from the Devas of Creation Oracle

The Deva for today is 'Connection' and depicts the angel Gabriel. I associate Gabriel most with blowing the horn that announces Judgement Day. Yesterday I drew Judgement on two separate occasions and in both times it was the horn that drew me in, the profound role sound plays in healing. As I've been doing a lot of work with the Root Chakra I asked the CIO which chakra could best support my root chakra today. I drew 'Sound' which is the throat chakra and the suggestion was "to consciously enter life's symphony of sound. Take time to listen with all of your senses. Be willing to hear what the world is communicating to you--even in silence. Honor the intuitive sounds of your own being and let them come through." It's quite a lovely directive and that this can support my base chakra feels like an invitation to dance, to move, to walk with strength and weight.

Chakra Insight Oracle ~ Wild Unknown Animal Spirit 

Then I asked what animal body was alive in me today and pulled Nightingale. Immediately I noticed the pale blue aura that this refined creature stands upon and of course sound came immediately to mind as this bird is known for its beautiful music. The LWB describes nightingale energy as communicative energy, healing energy. It's true that sound speaks to our bodies as a vibrational language and it has the capacity to change the very oscillation of our cells. I have been working a lot with sound as I explore root chakra work so seeing these cards here felt like affirmation of that.

Tarot de St. Croix

And finally, my Tarot draw completed the theme of communication. From the Tarot de St. Croix I drew the King of Swords and the Ace of Wands. Here we see King Arthur receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake. Only those pure enough in heart could receive such a ritual implement. The next card I drew was the Ace of Wands. Here it's a simple Wand tipped with yods in the shape of small flames. Yods indicate the presence of divine energy in the world so this Wand has a quality of sacredness about it.

Its life-giving energy is seen in the blossoms it's sprouting. The cherry blossoms are all out and blooming here. Their presence heralds Spring, new energy bursting with life and potential. The background of yellow, green, blue feels like a progression from Solar Plexus to Heart to Throat which further supported my theme of sound and communication. Seeing the King of Swords together with the Ace of Wands what came to mind immediately was the Tibetan concept of 'Liberation Through Hearing' attributed to Padmasambhava in the 8th century. It was written down by his primary student, Yeshe Tsogyal and then buried. It was not to be found until some six centuries later.

It reminds me of a curious experience I had some decades ago. While I don't generally share spiritual experiences this feels germane to my post and so putting aside my usual reserve I share this experience as an offering. I was attending our weekly Chenrezig puja. Chenrezig also known as Avalokiteśhvara is the bodhisattva of compassion. I remember being tired that night and feeling bored as the rituals were being performed. Having done them many times and heard the sadhana many times none of it was moving me that night. I drifted in and out of presence during the subsequent hour of mantra recitation wishing I were elsewhere and feeling like I could be putting my time to better use. Boredom was the predominant theme lol. Finally the bell was rung to signal the end of mantra recitation and in that moment the bell called me out of my boredom into an experience of grace. Even though I'd heard this bell countless times previously I was suddenly actually hearing the bell. It was utterly pure, utterly brilliant. I heard it as the deity himself and it filled my whole being. This all happened in a flash and I was amazed that despite my boredom and going through the motions during the whole puja it only took those few seconds for the teachings to actually become real in me. Tea and chat followed the puja and I got caught up in various conversations and discussion.

Avalokiteśhvara ~ Four-Armed Chenrezig

However the deities weren't finished me and that night I had a dream in which Chenrezig manifested before me. Huge, taller than any building emanating the most beautiful, soft light. He was glowing with all his adornments and implements. As soon as I saw him I began to recite his mantra over and over as a way to acknowledge him and to let him know I "understood" who he was. However after I'd said a few rounds of the mantra I noticed that he was emitting an incredible sound. It was coming from within his very cells. It was inborn, like the humming of bees. My mantra paled in comparison and it hit me like a bolt of lightning, compassion isn't something that is taken on it comes from the very cells and emanates outwards. It is the sound of the cells in an ongoing state of love. I woke up soon after this. And naturally this astonishing blessing has stayed with me all these decades later.

Of the many jewels I took from this great blessing was never to underestimate the power of Grace. It is always waiting in the wings to support our unfolding.