Five of Swords ~ Travels with the Inner Critic

The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans ~ The Crystal Oracle by Toni Salerno

The month is coming to a close and the Five of Swords, my card of the month, has made itself quite comfortable in my inner landscape. Thanks to this version above I've taken to calling it the Five of Worms lol. When it appears in a reading for me it usually means the inner critic, the inner bully, is on the premises. The rose quartz mala and red jasper oracle card are incidental, necessary embellishments, distractions even to the starkness of this depiction of segmented worms. Though both of these stones with their qualities of loving kindness and strengthening and stamina, are very useful when working with the inner judge.

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

In WU depiction of the Five of Swords we see a worm's body, surrounded by sharp-edged swords, that has been severed by the largest blade. Those unspoken cutting remarks we make to ourselves, the conditioned responses, this is how wholeness disintegrates, how the Self becomes fractured. When trust has been betrayed the body follows suit in its own intelligent way. And until that trust has been restored wholeness is a concept. It has to begin at a cellular level.

In the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight we see a visual representation of this kind of somatic disintegration. Heads have been removed, bodies are missing parts, the main figure has got several different voices running her rampant, her lower body is at odds with her upper body. This is the inner critic at her finest, creating somatic chaos in a landscape that depicts the wasteland that this voice lives in. Bleak, depleted of life, sere and inhabitable only by those who lack sensitivity. 

Tarot of the Hidden Realm by Julia Jeffrey

Perhaps one of the most stark representations of this inner bullying quality of the Five of Swords is from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. While the guidebook places this figure on the defensive I tend to see her as the face of my own inner bitch. She's got a kind of wild, seductive beauty, her crow familiars whirl around her and the haziness of her realm all feel familiar to me. Once that voice gets going it's hard to stop.

However this is the Swords suit, the suit of Air of the mental realm and it's helpful to remember that all of this is an internal process. 

It's interesting to note her stance, rigid, fight-or-flight response. No equilibrium can come from that, nor can any somatic messages get through. Everything is constricted in almost Eight of Swords like way.

Vision Quest Tarot ~ Crystal Visions Tarot ~ Herbal Tarot

I've included the three cards to the left in my month-long study as they've given me some valuable information and tools. 

The Vision Quest Tarot by Gayan Sylvie Winter and Jo Dosé gives this card the title, Fear. And it's a good reminder to note that beneath all that posturing fear is the foundation. 

When I ask myself the questions, Fear of what? There are several responses that come to mind but all of them come down to love, really, or a lack thereof. 

The middle card from the Crystal Visions Tarot by Jennifer Galasso has a Three of Swords-like feel to it with two of the Swords having been stabbed into the back of the figure with the bully walking away. That this figure is all dressed in white speaks to me of her trusting, innocent nature, that inner child within us who wouldn't suspect anyone of wanting to harm us, to bring us down. A little bird perches on one of the Swords in a poignant attempt at comfort. Thankfully she has looked round and is able to acknowledge it. Someone in her court. Every little bit of positivity counts here.  Finally the Herbal Tarot by Candace Cantin and Michael Tieris offers an herbal ally for this card in the form of Mistletoe. It is a plant of protection and we know it best as something for lovers to kiss under. But it was sacred to the Druids, used in ceremony and vision and medically is a heart tonic herb. This last gives me a clue as to what qualities to bring to the table where the inner critic sits.

Tarot of Transformation ~ J. L. Cori and Willow Arlenea

Looking at the depiction of the WU I sensed this month's focus might take shape around being aware of the somatic effects the inner critic has. More body work, more art, more immersion in the earth realm.  There has been some of this this month, more than usual as a result of this card, I think. The worm is guardian of the Earth, aerating the soil, turning it, fertilizing it as well as being nourished by it. Because they are segmented they're capable of regeneration if their body has been cut in two. All of this feels wonderfully restorative and hopeful. 

There are also a whole host of phrases that come to mind here...'getting my hands dirty', 'doing the dirty work' 'finding my ground' They bring a wonderfully embodied element to this card of the Air. For the place where the prima materia awaits the light of our own awareness. Holding the Vision, the title of the card at right, is key.

Thresholds

Soul Cards ~ Deborah Chapin

Feeling my soul tugging at the hem of my awareness this afternoon. I decided to pull out my Soul Cards and see what was asking to be heard, to be visible. What a powerful card to pull. She is so very pregnant, clearly at the forty-week mark and radiant with that knowledge. I remember that time with fondness and a kind of protective tenderness towards my uninitiated self, a self who would experience a pain like no other alongside a love like no other. But before that initiation there were sleepless nights, slow and ponderous movements, discomfort and anticipation that rivaled Christmas morning as a child.

Seeing this card now the memory of that time comes flooding back. A soul memory and physical memory both. Is this the reason for the current restlessness of my soul? Preparation to birth some as-yet-unknown part of myself? Based on my current status, I'd say that's accurate in a compellingly somatic way. I decided to draw an Oracle card to ask what it was that was awaiting birth. And the theme continued with 'Harvest Moon'. The keywords are Turning Point, Preparation, Gathering.

The LWB indicates that, in fact, this Moon is associated with right now, the time between August and September. It is a Moon that teaches 'the art of preparation through gathering'. Abundance flows and gratitude is key to that flow. Soul questions for me to drop into the heart-basket are what does my authentic self need to gather in order to embody more fully? What qualities would I like to cultivate to prepare for a richer, more immediate interface with the moment?

I decided to pull a Tarot card as a way to articulate, if not an answer then at least a pathway to follow. And what a pathway! Traditionally Death this card has been renamed, Transformation. These three cards seem to all flow together. Birth and Death inhabiting that same threshold realm differentiated only by a breath. Both of them deeply physical experiences, one leaving the body behind, the other adding a body to this greening earth.

This Death card is a wonderful one. The LWB describes it as 'dying to be reborn', and goes on to describe how the soul's longing to be born anew can only happen when a letting go occurs, letting go of dogmas, structures, identities, anything unnecessary or extraneous to growth. The moon is a fingernail hanging low in the sky, the stars are bright, the landscape is magical and it is night. What mysteries does it hold?



Bev, over on By the Sycamore Tree, was talking about the Hebrew word Ruach today and I see in this Owl, that quality, the divine Breath, Spiritus as it hovers over the skeleton beneath it, as it is poised between the doorway between worlds, blessing and witnessing.

I'm glad I heeded the call to listen to those shimmering and glimmerings my soul was sending out. It has allowed for more awareness of the process, reminds me that my authenticity is found in my humanity, reminds me that gratitude is key and that preparation for transformation, be it the new beginnings of birth or the letting go of death,  is actually the journey, the cultivating of the earth and loam of the soma that is the Soul's landscape.

A Broom, A Mop and A Bucket Full of Suds

I'm feeling the need to mix things up a bit here. I thought I'd spend two weeks with the Devas of Creation and Tarot of the Spirit but the abstract images started to strain the edges of my intuition and I began to chafe at the effort. To remedy that I've decided to harness my intention to the winds of spontaneity this week..

Today's question is practical...how do I work with my resistance to cleaning the house? Easy solution would be to hire a cleaner. But I can't bring myself to do that because I feel there's some lesson for me in this resistance, that the Goddess is calling to me through the broom, the mop and a bucket full of suds and I'm turning her down frequently or else I'm showing up grudgingly. I looked to the Vision Quest for answers...

Ten of Fire ~ Oppression ~ Vision Quest Tarot

As I imagined, there's a deeper issue at work here. Though I wouldn't have framed it in such dramatic terms I have to agree that this word, Oppression, hits the mark with a capital O. It's a pretty dense word with various allusions and connotations I wouldn't normally associate with housework. Certainly our foremothers may have felt this way when there were no washing machines, dryers, running water, proper soap etc. and not much of an identity outside that role but times have changed. At the same time a cluttered house can feel oppressive so that aspect resonates too.

Looking at the card I see a skull that has descended into the earth, into a pyre with flames flickering beneath it. Presumably this is a deer skull. Deer, fleet of foot, swift, gentle, shedding their antlers periodically to make room for new growth. A lattice of arrows frames the skull giving a feeling of stasis, all that potentially dynamic energy landlocked. This skull is planted in the pyre like an offering. The landscape looks neglected and reflects the dusty one here at home. There is a large orange sun hovering in the grey sky above and it makes me think of my intention, it's there as a muted presence.

The LWB doesn't mince words, the first one being resistance, the very word I used in my question. Other words include 'stagnating life force', 'fear of self-realization'. Food for thought. It goes on to say, 'when this card comes to you, it signifies that you are 'sitting' on your energy--your own life force, holding on tight so it can't flow'. Ugh, my resistance to cleaning the house is really a deeper resistance to flow, to transformation, to change? How humbling.

Still while I felt the deeper theme of the question had been answered I didn't feel like I had a clear vision as to how to work with this feeling of oppression so I drew a second card...

Four of Air ~ Contemplation ~ Vision Quest Tarot

Hmm, a cryptic answer. The mental realm is where I'm most comfortable, it's the earth plane where I find my most challenging lessons. In fact when my son saw this second card he had a good chuckle saying, 'that's what got you into this in the first place'. Lol. And yet the cards are suggesting that contemplation is the way through. Taken together the phrase doesn't get much pithier than, Contemplation of Oppression. 

Looking at the card I see lots of water, element of purification, flowing through two lush river banks. I can't help but think this is what the house needs, that purifying flow moving through it, transforming it into the luminous scene I see on the cards. And perhaps on a deeper level my own body needs that kind of movement, too. The four feathers hover above the river and here I get a first clue as to the application of this card. Put the mental thoughts to rest so as to allow some flow-- thoughts as obstacles, stones in the river.

The LWB suggests doing nothing, lol, but there is something to that. I'm advised 'not to take sides thus getting more deeply involved in a conflict' and I run with this a little. Implicit in the word  oppression is a relationship albeit one of imbalance. What is my role here in this relationship? Who do I identify with, the tyrant or the victim? The answer is both.

Not taking sides in this instance would be to remain neutral in the face of the voices telling me on the one hand that bad housekeeping = bad mothering/partnering etc and that I should just do it and on the other hand the whiny voice saying 'but I don't wanna'. That feels challenging as I'm usually on one side or the other. I wonder what it would feel like just to impassively listen. Perhaps the oppression pointed to in the first card has less to do with actual housework and more to do with the feeling of conflict and self-judgement around it. Those feelings are oppressive at times, to the point of stasis. And truth be told it's hard to imagine even laying those inner polarities down.

~ She changes everything She touches and everything She touches changes ~

Of course a certain amount of 'just do it' is necessary for this kind of work. There's no getting around that. And the image of that lovely, luminous landscape in the Four of Air feels very inviting--the sense of flow and sparkle that accompanies a freshly cleaned home. The message of that card feels like a way in to the possibility of some space around the contraction of oppression, a little more compassion, a little more permission to allow the divisive voices an audience without necessarily jumping in to either judge or defend them. Sigh. Not the easy answer I was hoping for but perhaps one that effects a more lasting insight.