Today's question is practical...how do I work with my resistance to cleaning the house? Easy solution would be to hire a cleaner. But I can't bring myself to do that because I feel there's some lesson for me in this resistance, that the Goddess is calling to me through the broom, the mop and a bucket full of suds and I'm turning her down frequently or else I'm showing up grudgingly. I looked to the Vision Quest for answers...
| Ten of Fire ~ Oppression ~ Vision Quest Tarot |
Looking at the card I see a skull that has descended into the earth, into a pyre with flames flickering beneath it. Presumably this is a deer skull. Deer, fleet of foot, swift, gentle, shedding their antlers periodically to make room for new growth. A lattice of arrows frames the skull giving a feeling of stasis, all that potentially dynamic energy landlocked. This skull is planted in the pyre like an offering. The landscape looks neglected and reflects the dusty one here at home. There is a large orange sun hovering in the grey sky above and it makes me think of my intention, it's there as a muted presence.
The LWB doesn't mince words, the first one being resistance, the very word I used in my question. Other words include 'stagnating life force', 'fear of self-realization'. Food for thought. It goes on to say, 'when this card comes to you, it signifies that you are 'sitting' on your energy--your own life force, holding on tight so it can't flow'. Ugh, my resistance to cleaning the house is really a deeper resistance to flow, to transformation, to change? How humbling.
Still while I felt the deeper theme of the question had been answered I didn't feel like I had a clear vision as to how to work with this feeling of oppression so I drew a second card...
| Four of Air ~ Contemplation ~ Vision Quest Tarot |
Looking at the card I see lots of water, element of purification, flowing through two lush river banks. I can't help but think this is what the house needs, that purifying flow moving through it, transforming it into the luminous scene I see on the cards. And perhaps on a deeper level my own body needs that kind of movement, too. The four feathers hover above the river and here I get a first clue as to the application of this card. Put the mental thoughts to rest so as to allow some flow-- thoughts as obstacles, stones in the river.
The LWB suggests doing nothing, lol, but there is something to that. I'm advised 'not to take sides thus getting more deeply involved in a conflict' and I run with this a little. Implicit in the word oppression is a relationship albeit one of imbalance. What is my role here in this relationship? Who do I identify with, the tyrant or the victim? The answer is both.
Not taking sides in this instance would be to remain neutral in the face of the voices telling me on the one hand that bad housekeeping = bad mothering/partnering etc and that I should just do it and on the other hand the whiny voice saying 'but I don't wanna'. That feels challenging as I'm usually on one side or the other. I wonder what it would feel like just to impassively listen. Perhaps the oppression pointed to in the first card has less to do with actual housework and more to do with the feeling of conflict and self-judgement around it. Those feelings are oppressive at times, to the point of stasis. And truth be told it's hard to imagine even laying those inner polarities down.
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| ~ She changes everything She touches and everything She touches changes ~ |
Of course a certain amount of 'just do it' is necessary for this kind of work. There's no getting around that. And the image of that lovely, luminous landscape in the Four of Air feels very inviting--the sense of flow and sparkle that accompanies a freshly cleaned home. The message of that card feels like a way in to the possibility of some space around the contraction of oppression, a little more compassion, a little more permission to allow the divisive voices an audience without necessarily jumping in to either judge or defend them. Sigh. Not the easy answer I was hoping for but perhaps one that effects a more lasting insight.
