The Heroine's Journey

A group of us on Instagram have embarked on a shadow work focus with mnomquah for the month of October and I've decided to share some of my process here on the blog. The focus began with a spread entitled The Heroine's Journey.

Using the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot I drew my cards keeping this theme in mind and focusing on these prompts. It turned out to be a fairly intense draw. Lots of Swords, i.e. lots of conflict and the lone Pentacle that appeared is one of the more difficult ones in the suit. However the first card and the final three cards gave me a lift and looking at the trajectory of the journey I had the sense of something real and relevant unfolding. As sober as it is the reading comes as no surprise to me.

Heroine's Journey with the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot by Uusi Design Studio

The card positions have been further expanded upon with this list of questions to consider and contemplate.

• 1) The Heroine - Who are you at the beginning of your journey?
  2) The Quest - What is the conscious purpose of your journey?
  3) Refusal of the Call - The reason why you're afraid of to seek out what you desire
  4) The Guide - Who/what will guide you on your journey
  5) Road of Trials - The lessons for you to learn; what you need to go through
  6) The Dragon - Your greatest obstacle to overcome
  7) Death - What you have to leave behind?
  8) New Knowledge - What new wisdom and power you will obtain on your journey?
  9) Boon - What you will take back with you to share with others
  10) The Heroine Returned - Who you come back as from the journey?

  
  
  This first card, The Star, in the position of myself at the beginning of my journey feels both poignant and vulnerable. The Star encompasses all our hope and inspiration, all the beauty and light that guides us when things feel dark or difficult. That she is me touches a raw place, a place I tend to armor and keep hidden for various reasons, some of which I imagine will become clearer as the month and the work progresses.
  
  
  The conscious purpose of my journey, my Quest, is the Ten of Swords. Total surrender, offering it all up, not holding onto any shadow material, anything that diminishes, that the ego uses to protect from its demise. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
  
  
  And refusing the Call, why am I hesitant to do this, to really seek out my soul's wish? The Five of Swords tells me it has something to do with the inner critic. This card usually indicates to me that this aspect of my personality is afoot. The part that feels the need to bully, to cut down, to diminish what is harmonious and simply trying to live authentically. With this card in this position I'm going to have to really examine how much strength I give that inner critic. 
  
  
  The Five of Pentacles as guide...hmm. This feels like a lateral move with the previous card. They're both Fives echoing The Hierophant in the Majors, who shows up later as the wisdom and power I'll obtain on my journey. But seeing this here beforehand indicates that my own suffering and clinging will be all the guide I'll need. To really examine the places those two things appear and influence my day to day experiences.
  
  
  The Nine of Swords is my road of trials, my lessons. Traditionally the 'nightmare card', that state when sleepless, all the fears are magnified 100 times and the mind gets lost in a miasma of its own making. And further along in the spread the Four of Swords echoes this by asking me to leave behind any desire to retreat and rest, to contemplate and restore. I read this as 'no one is getting out of here alive' that this being human means there's no escaping pain, no escaping beauty. 
  
  
  My 'dragon' is the Six of Swords, my greatest obstacle. This is usually one of my favorite Minors. Seeing it here as my greatest obstacle is curious and compelling both. It's a card of departure, of leaving behind a time and place of suffering for something unknown, possibly better but not entirely because the Swords, representing the conflict the mind has created, come with the boat or passengers. This feels fitting and reminds me of the line, 'wherever you go, there you are'. Or one of our Sufi songs, 'my life is my prayer, as I live so I am'. Both of these lines tell me a story about denial, tell me that recovery and healing isn't about escaping from but about immersion in the landscape of suffering with new vision that embraces possibility and a self that is in touch, literally, with the body of wounds.
  
  
  The final three positions, New Knowledge, Boon and Heroine returned all follow one another seamlessly and gracefully. They are positive uplifting cards in this position and there is an innocence to them, a purity and vitality that gives me a sense of possibility, of expansion. The Hierophant is an old friend, and this particular Hierophant is very accessible, he is my wisdom and knowledge, in partnership with the less visible, less manifest High Priestess, with whom he shares a vital relationship. Sharing the blessings of the Ace of Cups as I embody the Page of Cups is a beautiful and bodhisattvic way to complete this journey.