The Grandmothers

I awoke the day after my deep clean of the kitchen with equally deep muscle soreness and fatigue. Yet another pre-dawn wake up didn't help either. I still had a few tasks left to do in the kitchen, one of which was washing the floor, an easy and straightforward job but one that requires some physical energy. Doggie needed a hike, too. I felt exhausted as soon as I got out of bed, my body like a lead weight. What to do?

I dragged myself through breakfast-making for ds and myself then got pup ready to go for a long hike as she had gotten short shrift the previous day. Upon my return I was ready to go back to bed. To give some context here, my body is still recovering from a couple of years of serious depletion at various levels. I forget how sensitive it still is until I put out a lot of physical energy and then reap the consequences the next couple of days. I still need to be quite careful in this area as I strengthen which has been a long, slow and currently ongoing process.

I very much wanted to complete my task but I was finding it hard to move. I spent some time sitting, thinking I could gather my energy. Then I took a hot shower to enliven me. I made lunch for ds thinking I'd begin after lunch. But I just couldn't access the physical energy I needed though intention I had aplenty.  So I turned to the cards asking for guidance...

The Grandmothers ~ Medicine Woman Tarot

Seeing this woman sleeping deeply while a Grandmother sprinkles blessings over her felt like direct permission to tend to my own tired body. This day it needed rest, this was the wisdom of the grandmothers speaking. The central figure sleeps peacefully while her spirit is replenished with the blessings of the foremothers. She rests on her stomach, hara-center directly on the Earth to receive its nourishing energy. The Wise Woman wears a crown of earthy branches with blue yoni-shaped leaves and white moon-like discs. A band of blue with gold stars encircles her forehead across her third eye telling us she's in touch with her own cosmic intuition. She is crowned with the earth of the feminine giving her task a silent sovereignty. As the sleeper dreams a halo forms behind her, blue swirls supporting her in her dream journey and ennobling it. Traditionally this is the Moon card and in this depiction a waning crescent Moon looks down as silent witness. The waning crescent moon is associated with release, with tending to the inner realms.

This card made me think of my own grandmothers, one of whom homesteaded on the Prairies living in a sod hut the first year while the family built their house. She would not have had the luxury of a day off or of the hot running water, heat, inside toilet and electricity that I do. I'm sure she would have loved a day off once in awhile. This same grandmother, whose name was Beth, later felt determined to earn a living at a time when marriage and motherhood were the only expected roles for women. She rode by horseback through the woods in all kinds of weather to teach in a one-room schoolhouse.

She often told us the exciting tale of having to ride through a forest fire while on horseback because there was no other way to get to the school, so keenly did she feel her duty to educate. She was likely only 16 or 17 at the time. But my favorite story is one about her mother, my great-grandmother, which she always shared as if it were a deep teaching. In a poignant act of defiance against her husband, who felt beauty was frivolous and unnecessary in an environment where survival was a daily ordeal, my great-grandmother planted a small bed of pretty flowers. She tended these lovingly through all the hard times and I like to imagine the great joy and power they gave her simply because they were beautiful and they were hers.

My grandmother Beth {L} Great Grandmother Baldwin {R}

So, yes, I would rest my body and make of the rest an offering to all the grandmothers who were never able to have that luxury. Guilt turned to gratitude as I gave myself over to the wisdom of rest as an act of giving, a yielding to the intelligence my body understood far more intimately than my egoic self. The remaining hours in the day were peaceful because suddenly there was permission to simply be tired with no value judgements attached to it and no pressure to do anything other than what my body was asking of me. I slept deeply that night, the Grandmothers card beside my bed, blessing my sleep. And the following day I was able to complete the few remaining tasks in the kitchen with ease, fulfilling my visit with the Goddess.